Sunny In Philadelphia

You know how you're depressed, lonely, and everything just seems to keep going wrong for you and then someone comes along and cheers you up and makes you believe it's all gonna be ok and then goes ahead to promise he/she will always be there for you? Yeah? Well, don't believe it. It's a scam. Okay. Maybe 'scam' is too strong a word. But, seriously.

Oh! I just thought of something. Ok. Did you ever play that "bend down" game? You know, the one where every forms a circle and then start singing "yo yo yo! African bend down!". Yeah, that one. You know how you're having fun bending down for people to clap over your head? Well, until you forget to bend and then you're out of the circle and forced to watch everyone else enjoy the game. The way people feel about you is almost exactly like that. (I'm not sure if this is a good enough analogy, but I'm just gonna keep going)

You see, all this time you're hanging on to this person who seems to always know what to say when you're lost or confused. Always knows how to cheer you up when you feel down. Makes you laugh... fills your head with silly delusions of being "special". Some will even tell you they "love" you. Oh! And if someone ever says to you "I will always be here for you.", you might wanna hold your excited squeal in for a bit. I'm not saying they don't care. I'm "always" and "forever" are long shots.

One day, you'll notice things changing. You'll go from talking/chatting all day long to maybe a couple of times a day. Then a few days a week. And then you'll wonder why you haven't heard from said person in weeks. You watch from a distance as their attention falls on someone else. All your needs they seemed to care so deeply about just cast to the wind. You're back at square one. Lonely and miserable. But it's worse. Because now you have to pretend you can get along without them. It sucks. Big time. Even more when you opened up to that person more than you ever have with anyone else.

In summary, everyone leaves. Some will stay longer than others, but, in the end, they will all leave. I guess it's just an issue of enjoying what you have while it lasts. Treasure every phone call and chat and DM, because one day you'll wake up just to discover the DMs were deleted. I should probably mention it's not the brightest idea to ask said person why he/she doesn't care about you anymore. Bad idea. Very bad idea.

While we're talking about sucky things, I also got fired today. You see, when you're slaving away, hunting news down, helping people paraphrase a story so it comes off as their "original" work, and posting stories all because the person you're working for has some sort of condition, it's fine. But if you decided to take a break because you're going through a rough time, and your meds aren't really helping, then you get fired. From a job you're not getting paid for.

But that's part of life, you see? No one gives a fuck about you. But in retrospect, I guess it was my fault. I took the job "for experience" even though everyone kept telling me how it was such a bad idea. I also got excited when I was offered another job with another site. But that soon appeared to be nothing more than an incentive to keep working my butt off. You know how you put a monkey on a treadmill and dangle a bunch of bananas in front of him so he runs faster even though he isn't really going anywhere? Yeah. Like that. Worse than that, I felt guilty every time I couldn't come through because of his "condition". But, oh well ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

So, that's all the rant I have in me for tonight. Thanks for reading.

Peace, love & Ribena (‾⌣‾)♉