Winning?

So, there we were. Seated around one of the cafeteria tables discussing our worst and best relationship experiences, as we often did. But that night's discussion focused on an aspect of the relationships we'd never broached before - The Break-ups. Oh yes, talking about our worst and best break-up experiences was truly awesome. Well, for me it was, because I was always the dumper. Actually, there were two of us that didn't have a single story about being dumped. You should have heard us going on about how awesome we were. And our stories were frightfully similar. We never dated the same person for more than a certain number of weeks, and we made sure the break-ups were simple and not over-dramatic.

We, Tolu and I, were on a roll, but someone had to ruin our moment. I don't understand what it is with some people and not allowing people to have their moment? Why does there always have to be one killjoy?! It's so frigging annoying!! *deep breath* Back to the point. One person felt the need to ask, at the precise moment when I felt the highest, what I later realised would be the most heart-wrenching question I would be asked that week. This brat looked straight at me and said "Yeah, I get you guys did the dumping and everything, but think about it. If you're really the ones winning, why are you the ones who end up alone?"

And I did think about it. Why am I the one who's alone? Why am I the one staying up in the middle of the night because I feel something's missing? Why am I the one with a different guy every other week? Why am I the one without someone to have lunch with? Is that what winning's all about? I like to tell myself it's because this is how I like it. But is it? Do I really like to be alone?

Thinking deeper, I realise most of my "victories" were orchestrated by the guy. I haven't seen Star Wars, but I'm pretty sure this could be classified under Jedi mind tricks. He'd do things that would make me break up with him. Or, he'd start a fight and suggest we take a break, knowing I'd rather break up than "take a break". And they'd all say things like "You're perfect baby, it's me I have to work on.", and "I don't want to keep holding you back.", and "The man you marry is a lucky bastard.". Oh yeah? Well, what about you!? You could've been that guy! That's what I was working towards!

I believe one of the worst possible things that you could ever realise is how truly unhappy you are. Right now, I'm not really sure if I'm happy or not.
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Hi all. So, last week was a bit messed up for me. Mostly stuff you don't care about. Back on schedule by tuesday.
Either way, I wrote this piece to try to help out a friend who's really in a rut. I suck at giving advice (I really do) so, I figured you guys could help. I've tried to portray her mindset as best as I can. So, please leave comments and suggestions, and other stuff in the boxes below. I'm sending her the link, and I'm sure she'd appreciate whatever you have to say.