Happy

I can't stop the tears that run freely down my cheeks
I can't ignore the pain I feel when these tears take control
I wish I could give a reason for these tears
An explanation of sorts

Beneath my smiles, I hide a frown
No one knows that I am down
I wear a mask of cheer and grace
My heart aches at every embrace
My eyes will hardly hold your gaze
Lest you see past the haze
And look into my tortured soul

To be there not here
I'd my all and a little bit more
Sadly, 'there' is lost to me
Dare I fight this lost war?

I give so freely, and hardly take
Heaven forbid I'm bold enough to ask
And so, I hide in the shadows keeping wake
Hoping and wishing to be found

It's been a while now
I've grown accustomed to the dark
Yet, these tears subdue me
Remind me of what I lack

I push and push against a wall
Can't go around, and it's way too tall
I'd love to see those hideous bricks fall
Cuz then i'd know I truly have it all