Behind Her Smile

Hey!

So, this post I decided to put up against my better judgment. I'm still trying to get back into the spirit of things.

Please leave comments, thoughts, and such in the comments section.

Thanks.
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"My goodness, Tobi! You're so bad!"

I smile. I'm not so bad. Well, I could be worse. Much worse. Ari just needs to loosen up more. I was merely pointing out to her how hot the guy two tables away would look between the two of us in a more serene setting.

She always laughs when I make a pass at her. I laugh too, although I'm really not joking. I really do have a thing for her. The mere thought makes her uncomfortable, so I make my desires jokes for her amusement. Anything to keep her happy.

"You look fine, Ari. I wish you'd stop fidgeting."

She smiles coyly. Her insecurity has always been her biggest drawback. For the umpteenth time since I've known her, I wish she could see the beautiful woman everyone else sees.

She's wearing the same dress she wore the last time we were here. Strapless to show off her smooth shoulders, short to show off her amazing legs, fitted and cinched at the waist to shoi$w off her rocking body, and caramel to compliment her skin. I'd picked it out for her earlier and made her wear it for the rest of the day. It's still as hot as it was that day a year ago. I remember I'd joked about stealing it and altering it to fit me, and maybe stealing her body as well. She'd giggled a little and smiled.

"How are you, Ari?"

Lately, I've gotten better at telling when she's not okay. She smiles. That smile I've become too familiar with.

"I'm fine sweetie."

She's not. The light in her eyes, snuffed out. I can almost feel her struggling to keep up her cheery act. Sickening, the feeling is.

"Talk to me."

Those words..... As I utter them now, I ache to smack myself across my face. Talk about "too little too late". Should have noticed earlier. Should've seen through the lies, the "I'm fine"s, the fake smiles.... I'm her best friend. Some best friend I turned out to be.

Don't blame yourself, Tobi.

I scoff. How could I not? I stare at her now. Watch the single tear rolling down her cheek. She's still smiling. It hurts even more. I just want her to be happy.

I'll be fine, sweetie. You should eat. I have to go."

I reach out to hold her outstretched hand. It's warm, but just for a second, and then nothing. She's gone.

I'm alone again. Surrounded by music and cheery people eating and chatting away. My appetite fails me, so I leave.

I take the long route home. Earphones in, volume set to the highest, I let my feet find their own way, and my mind wander back to that day a year ago.

We were seating at the exact same booth by the window. I assumed there was some sort of party going on, because the place was packed. Our order was taking forever, and Ari and I had talked non-stop. Mostly arguing about the dress I'd practically forced her to buy and wear. My phone buzzed, and I was soon distracted by several chats.

"Tobi, I'm going on a trip."
I hadn't even glanced up. "Where to?"
"Not sure yet."
I kept typing away on my phone. "How can you be traveling if you don't know where you're going?"
"I just need to clear my head."
I'd put my phone down and stared at her. She was smiling, and I'd figured it was just another one of her episodes, as I'd liked to call them. "Fine, Ari. If you feel you need a vacation of some sort, go ahead. Just don't stay too long, okay?" She'd glanced at her feet. "Meanwhile, that guy over there is checking you out."
She'd giggled. "He is NOT! Stop it, Tobi."

I'm not walking anymore. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I want to ring the bell. To be greeted by that cheery smile that came so rarely. To go up to her room and gossip all night and talk about a whole bunch of irrelevant things.

But I know she won't be there. Hasn't been, and won't be, for a while.

That night, I'd walked her home as usual. As we hugged in front of her door, she'd whispered in my ear "I'll be fine."

Sighing, I turn around and head home.

Johnnie Walker - #WhatsYourStory

Confidence imparts a wonderful inspiration to it's possessor. - John Milton

Ever been to that point where it feels like you've hit rock bottom? Completely overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness and helplessness? Desperately seeking something to inspire you? Well, I've kinda been dwelling there recently. Indulging in self-pity, wallowing in depression, and making my mind a comfortable home to thoughts that are usually most unwelcome.

Part of the problem is, I can't write. Writing has always been the way I express myself. My release. My safe haven. I can always write down my thoughts and feelings, or stories, or random stuff, but lately I haven't been able to do any of that.

I get an idea for a story, and I just can't will myself to pick up my pen and notepad (or my phone) and write it down. Even when I try, I find myself questioning my ability to successfully execute the story, and so I just let the idea die. Now, I find myself staring at a blank page for minutes wondering what to write about.

I used to write stories on the spot, and then *POOF* Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Unfortunately, this lack of confidence has slowly begun to project itself unto various other aspects of my life.

There are a million and one ideas swimming around in my head, but I just lack the motivation. Making any attempt just seems like a waste of time. What would be the point?

Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterward carefully avoid - John Keats

One of my teachers at school used to say "Sometimes, you need to fall so you can take a quick break before getting back up and continuing stronger."

I'm scared of failure. It's the reason why I haven't gone after a lot of things I really want to. It's a terrible feeling when I enter a contest and lose, or I go after something and don't get it.

I've tried to go after some of the things I want. I expected the obstacles, but still broke down and gave up when I encountered them instead of finding a solution to the problem. Like I half-expected them to just solve themselves, or be taken care of by someone else. It almost never works out that way though.

Problems never fix themselves. Yes, the solution may, in fact, be in the problem itself, but you need to DO something about it, and not just wish it away, or add it to your list of excuses.

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It's easy to give up. To lose hope, resign to failure, and just tag it "fate". I've been close myself. Dangerously close. But the truth is you only truly fail when you truly stop trying.

With the help of the most amazing people in the world (my friends), I pulled through. There comes a time when you just have to suck it up, and make a conscious decision to keep moving. Your problems are only as hard/difficult as you let them be.

If you truly want something, don't just want it. Go after it. If you fall, you get up and try again. I try my best to never regret anything I do. Even when I make mistakes (and I do a LOT), I learn from it and move on.

I WILL get where I'm going to. There's a wall in my way, and I have several options.

1). Walk through it with my super powers.
2). Hit it until it breaks or gives way
3) Go around it
4). Go over it
5). Go under it.

As life would have it, the day I made the decision to stop throwing myself pity parties with an attendance of just me and keep trying, I got the email that led to me writing to this post.

Something big is coming from Johnnie Walker. So, go ahead and like their facebook page.

This post may be an advert, but it's also my way of sticking my foot in a door that I saw closing. It's not too late to turn things around for you.

Keep walking.

A Cheery Message From @boluxxxx

So, you may or may not know I'm kinda going through a bit of a rough time right now. Which is kinda why I haven't posted.

Anyhu, @boluxxxx sent me a bc that actually made me laugh. Yeah. So, I decided to share :D

NA BY FORCE TO MARRY?
During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with:
1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings.
2. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car.
3. I am most grateful to my boss for... approving the loan I used for the wedding.
4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf.
5. Also to my brother's wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown.
6. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or eating out of it.
7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn't get any, well we will make it up to you during our child dedication ( hopefully next year).
8. Very big thanks to my parents for bringing the village cultural band to supply the music as well as entertain us all here, today.
9. Not forgetting the church marriage committee, thank you for persuading my wife to marry me.
10. Appreciation to the married men in the church for rushing me into this marriage.
11. The women are not left out, thanks a lot for teaching my wife how to dance.
12. To the youths, thank you for sweeping and decorating this venue with palm fronds.
13. I am also grateful to my teenage friends for helping with the Zobo drink
14. Appreciation to my co-tenants for contributing money for the cameraman
15. Well, I wish you all safe journey and I pray you don't experience what I suffered for this wedding.

Thank you, Bolu ... Y'all have a blessed week.

Also, go to 19th Street and subscribe to follow the 30 Day Guest Blogger Challenge.

Peace, Love & Ribena

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